Reminiscing about Bullies in the MHS Class of 1998

Since I've moved back to Minnesota, I've been hanging out quite a bit with friends from high school.  And between spending time with old high school friends, catching a rerun of the movie "Clueless" on cable and the recent rash of suicides by kids who were bullied, I've been thinking alot about bullies in my class at Mel High.  Now, most people who went to high school with me may take issue with this post or may think I'm being a little harsh on some of our classmates.  But you know what - this is my blog, so if you have a problem with my opinions take it up in the comments.  Or better yet, get your own blog!!!

Before getting into my own high school experience with bullies, I just wanted to give a quick recap to those of you who've been living under a rock. For the past few months, there seems to be an epidemic of kids being bullied to the point of committing suicide.  As most will agree, the whole situation is terribly sad and makes us want to do something to help bullied teens who feel the only way out is by taking their own life.  Basically, on behalf of all of us who didn't quite fit in at 17, I just want to tell these kids to ignore the jerk offs who make your life miserable in high school - soon you will be off to college where you will connect with other misfits who are far more interesting than the dirt bags making your life hell.  In other words, to quote the new anti-bullying campaign it gets better.

And, since I've had a lot of time to watch daytime TV during my sabbatical from the law, I've learned a little bit about the sociological aspects of bullying.  Basically, groups of kids can be divided into 3 groups:

1. Bullies - the mean heads who terrorize other kids.
2. Victims - targets of the above mentioned mean heads.
3. Bystanders - the kids in the middle who passively let bullying happen.

Which brings me to my high school experience.

Recently, when I was hanging out with some friends from high school, one of my friends remarked that "We had such a great high school class. Everybody just got along so well with each other"....cue me looking at her like she had two heads. To be fair to my friend,  I will agree that on the whole, our class at MHS wasn't bad and that, on the whole, our classmates were generally nice people. That said, we definitely had our fair share of d-bags.

And where did I fit in?  On a few occasions, I was a victim of bullying (in 8th grade several people nominated me for "biggest shnoz" in an anonymous Slam Book, and in 10th grade was also the target of a racial slur when a girl asked if I did farm work because I'm 1/2 Mexican.)  Also, as I'm now ashamed to admit,  there were a few times that I was a bully (making mean crank calls to unpopular classmates and teasing a kid who had a large zit on his forehead)  But, my stints as a bully and victim aside, I was, for the most part, a middle of the road bystander.  And even though I was friendly and even friends with some of the "popular kids" (2 of my closest friends in the present day were in the Homecoming Court), I was a bit too brainy/artsy/quirky to be popular in my own right.

And who were the bullies?  Now, my friend B would say that the biggest bully in our school was a guy named Brian B (once mistakenly presumed dead) who pulled classic bully moves (e.g. stealing lunch money, slamming him into lockers) until he was sent away to ALC, the Alternative HS.  But, in my opinion, the two biggest bullies in our high school class were two girls who I will call "Britney" and "Santana" out of respect for their privacy.

What up - We're Mean

Now, many of my classmates who may be able to decipher the identities of Britney and Santana may think I'm going a bit too far by calling these two "bullies".  Most will say, "aww, Britney was always so nice.  And Santana was hilarious."  To these people, I say really, really think about what they were like at 17.  My guess is that you will reach the same conclusion that I did - these girls were assholes.

And while they were both bullies, these two mean girls had distinct bullying styles.  Britney favored a passive-aggressive style of bullying.  Most girls will know what I mean - whispering about you while you are only a few feet away while alternately glaring at you with disdain and laughing at you with a haughty tone, frequent rolling of the eyes, etc.  And if you ever got up the nerve to ask "what are you talking about?" most often the response would be an irritating "....nothing...(annoying giggle)."  And let me tell you, Britney was the queen of this annoying, albeit effective, style of bullying.  Seriously, she was such a jackass....

Santana, the worse of the two, favored a more aggressive style of bullying during our time at Mel High.  She often called other kids that were less popular mean names during lunch or study hall or would loudly ask nerdy kids questions in a mocking tone to make them feel bad about themselves.  The most egregious example of this that I witnessed was during our senior year when Santana began asking a girl, who I'll call "Cherry", mean and mocking questions about wearing her boyfriend's class ring as a necklace.  Before long, Santana's questions (which included crude questions about how far Cherry had gone with her boyfriend) had turned something exciting in Cherry's life into a source of embarrassment and shame.  To this day, I feel badly about what happened to Cherry and wish I had spoken up to stop Santana from teasing her.   And the worst part of all, Santana continued to be a bully well into early adulthood.  About 7 or 8 years ago I heard a story about how Santana had insisted on calling a not so popular guy from our class, "Marty", by his high school nickname "Moe" even after he repeatedly asked her to not call him by said nickname.  Her response - "whatever Moe."  Could this girl be a bigger asshole??

And how were Britney and Santana able to conduct their reign of terror?  Beats the hell out of me.  They weren't particularly pretty or stylish - let's just say both favored ratted tootsie roll bangs well into the late 90's.  And, obviously, neither were particularly nice - both girls only had time for people deemed "popular" or "worthy" of their friendship.  Guess it's just one of the great mysteries of High School. 

And while I obviously have critical things to say about the way Britney and Santana behaved in high school, I will admit that it's unfair to judge someone's character based on their actions at 17.  Lord knows I wasn't a perfect teenager.  Also, while I haven't seen or spoken to Britney or Santana in years, everything I've heard about them recently indicates that they've matured into normal members of society.  Maybe leopards can change their spots after all, right?

On a closing note, I want to share a story of Santana's attempt to bully me as an adult.  About 7 or 8 years ago, while we were both at the cabin of a mutual friend, Santana began asking me questions about my job as a summer intern at a law firm in Cincinnati.  When I told Santana that my job consisted of legal research and writing memos to attorneys, she first tried to make me feel like an idiot for not knowing every piece of law ever written as a 2nd year law student saying "you have to look up laws?  I thought lawyers just knew it."  When I explained that's not how the law works, and that lawyers regularly research questions that come up in their practice, she tried a different tactic, taunting me for liking school, saying "Yuck. That sounds hard, like school."  To which I responded, "well, if being a lawyer was easy then everybody would be a lawyer."  Santana had no follow up questions.

So, did it feel good to put Santana, the Mel High bully in her place?  You bet your ass it did!!!

To my fellow MHS classmates, who do you think were our biggest class bullies?  Anyone else care to share tales of bullies at your high schools??